Observation #1: Girls are unsure of how to approach other girls (?)

Observation #1: Girls are unsure of how to approach other girls (?)

For the swipe-right virgins, it works like this: Potential BFFs appear with one photo in view, a first name, age, job if they’ve opted to include one and location. You’re allowed to scroll down to the other photos they’ve included (usually about three to five), and at the end, you can read their bio. If you think you’d like to know more about them, you swipe right. If not, you swipe left. If they also swipe right on your profile, Bumble lets you know you have a connection. Then, you have 24 hours to initiate contact before the connection disappears. I say “you have…to initiate” not because that’s the way it works (either one of you can send the first message), but because, of the approximately eight connections I made during my first week on Bumble BFF, I’ve had to start almost every conversation.

I mean this platonically, as it relates to Bumble BFF. Almost every girl’s bio expresses the same need for that person, believe it or not, to go to yoga class with or drink wine with or go shopping with. Almost every girl reiterates how down-to-earth she is, how ready and willing she is to seek out new friendships. So, why are so many of us afraid to send the first message? My guess – it’s that pesky social shame again. I know because, had I not been so genuinely interested in assessing the value of this app, I too would have been too shy to send a friendly and simple “Hi! How are you?” Even more curious is the fact that we both (the connection and I) know that we “liked” each other’s profile… shouldn’t saying hi be easier in that case?

Observation #2: Self-awareness is a major key (*DJ Khaled voice*)

If the reason we’re afraid or reluctant to reach out first is because we don’t think it’s a good match (and not social shame), then it’s time to reassess either our bio or our swiping habits.

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